Heart Pwned

Poo.
I cant help it. I shouldve told the truth in the first place. It may hurt others, but i'm so hurt now. I shouldve admitted it in the first place. I shouldve done a lot of stuff. But me being an idiot, i let people walk over me, and grab what i value most at the moment. And .. It hurts. so badly. very badly. and i dont know what to do now. its hard to close the door. I shouldve .. done something. I try to be the happiest i can at the moment, but it isnt working. I'm thinking too much about it. I wish my life was a happy korean drama, but then i would be a fantasy idiot. Now, i'm just sick and tired of people telling me that i'm pretty and shit. Seriously, shut the fuck up. I'm not. Whatever. I'm taking out my myspace pictures. I hate this. Why try when in the end nothing happens ? Gain something, and lost 2x of it. I cant even look at [] in the eye. I try to talk and be happy. But wtf its useless. But i guess i'm a good actor.. at some point. Whenever i look at [] it reminds me of that one time. And so i try to ignore. I walk away, a different direction. I dont want to talk to [] anymore. i really dont. but its tempting. but i'm trying not to. i cant. i just hurt myself more when i do. Whenever [] says hi, i just give a weak no eye contact hi. i want to see, but i try not to. because the penalty is a lot worser than a shot.

people liked my green sweater today.
awesome.

and doing laundry now,
cheer performance tomorrow.
then cheer conditioning all day on wednesday.
Jennifer isnt going to cheer next year, poo !
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